Magnus sent me the songs we´ve been working on with some newly added changes and it sounds like a million bucks! I´m so happy to be working with him! We have such a connection, I´ve found a real friend. Considering all that´s been going on in my life It´s so nice to have something of my own that I feel prowd of, no matter how this goes I´m really feeling it with my heart and for me that´s where the treassure lies! I can hardly wait to get back to continue working.
January 8, 2009 | Filed in: Uncategorized | No comments
I´m waiting for it to let up, to be pardoned and given a second chance. It´s been a hard year that has come to an end and now all that´s left to do is move on. I want to pour myself into my work, make an album that I can be satisfied with. I feel my high expectations being pulled down to a more human level and it´s a good thing. Patrik Andersson is going to play guitar and Fredrik Hermansson is going to play piano, being a fan of them both I´m looking forward to working with them! It feels good to involve other people now and get some fresh ideas on the album. Making an album is not the easiest thing for me, although I´m right where I want to be I´m constantly on my toes, I never get comfortable and although that´s a good thing it also creates insecurities. Am I good enough? Will anyone like what I´m doing? The awareness of the inevitable need to be affirmed is awoken and it is like a monster eating away on my brain. There´s not much I can do about that, it is a part of it all and the sooner I can make peace with my monster the sooner we can learn how to work together. A good friend of mine said to me “In the process of changing remember that what you want to change helps you in certain situations, learn to accept yourself as you are and you´ll know when to back off or when move ahead. I am what I am and I´m trying to understand myself.
January 6, 2009 | Filed in: Uncategorized | No comments
Since our last session of recording I´ve been listening to the work we´ve done and I´m feeling good about it. We´ve started talking about having a string quartet and just going all the way. I meen, who am I saving it for? Christmas was quite the test but I´m feeling better and stronger, planning for my album and looking ahead. One of my closest friends lost her father and I attended the funeral, it really puts things into perspective. Her father was a remarkable man who lived and loved and I´m so filled with a desire to live a worthy life and not let myself stand in my way! Next week I go back to recording and I´ll be sure to take pictures so you can see what l´m up to. My mind is rested and I´m ready to get to work..
January 5, 2009 | Filed in: Uncategorized | No comments
I separated from Iko´s father about four months ago, I would´ve liked to try more but we were so far apart that it was too late. What hurts the most is the loss of something that could´ve been a family. I´ve always wanted something bigger than me, something I could fight and die for. A unity in wich I would face the world as a force. It took my relationship falling apart for me to realise that it will never happen. It´s not a defeat but an insight, I´m my own unity, there´s no love so great that it will give me the strenth to be something I´m not or not ready to be. My son does not cary this burden and nor will love. I´ve changed, I´m not out there hunting for life, I´m not out there waiting to be saved. So christmas was hard, I realised that my relationship was truly over and that I´d fooled myself into thinking that we just might have a chance. It´s like getting my heart broken all over again. I wish a year had already passed.
December 27, 2008 | Filed in: Uncategorized | No comments
It´s monday and I´m at home getting down from the buzz of recording. After three weeks of intense work we have a three week break seeing as it´s christmas and new year. I`ve spent a few days getting my home back together and just landing from my “high”(of recording) It´s like a comedown, my brain has been on overdrive and has crashlanded. I´m really enjoying some time with my son Iko who is an incredibly charming two-year old, I´m so thankfull for having him to keep me centered and grounded. A few years back I would´ve been out blowing off steam and money I don´t have. Ive tried going out but since I don´t drink anymore after awhile I start to see human ruin at it´s best and then I know it´s time to go home. I´ve done my share of partying and it is not what it once was. There´s a time for everything.
December 27, 2008 | Filed in: Uncategorized | No comments
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